Return To Innocence, Again
by enervate
Summary: PART 4 UPLOADED! Sanzo tries to deny his own feelings for Goku, but when Goku got lost in a cave, he sets off in search for him. But poor Sanzo himself got drowned, and Goku saved him,... and what becomes of their love? R&R, onegai.
1. Innocence

**Return To Innocence, Again.  
**The Continuation and The Previous Work  
A Gensomaden Saiyuki Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N ::: **I've posted the sequel to my original **Return To Innocence **fanfiction as the Part Three to this story. The first two chapters, that is the original fanifction **Return To Innocence **is posted here for convenience sake [yeah, coz if I ask you people to refer to the old document, it will be much tedious, not to mention really a waste of time.]. So for those who read **Return To Innocence **before, you might as well as skip to **Part Three : Never Drown, Again**. Thanks to those who reviewed this fiction before! As for everyone, R&R! Reviews are much appreciated.

**Disclaimer ::: **Minekura Kazuya owns G.Saiyuki.

**Return To Innocence**

**Part One: Innocence**.

He could feel two silken arms wrapping him tightly, the soft embrace of that warm soul against his cold and lonely heart. Softly, without any hesitation he gave up to that embrace. He breathed the intoxicating scent of those pastel yellow silk arms, the soft folds of the silk robes, the gentle warmth of that love. He buried his face in the strong chest, and there he laid himself, nestled in the cradle of love.

"Koryu." The pair of silken arms pulled the child closer. Komyo Sanzo stroked Koryu's blond hair with tenderness, and placed his lips lightly on the child's forehead. Koryu's only response was a sigh, a beautiful sigh of gratification. He hugged Komyo Sanzo closer, and nuzzled against his chest. "Sanzo-sama..." he murmured as he rested his head against Komyo's chest. One of his hands were clasped tightly around that silken waist, the other pressed against the silken chest. Softly Koryu inhaled. The alluring scent of his master, especially after his bath, seduces him lightly. He stroked Komyo's chest slowly, his little hands against the pastel robes.

Komyo nuzzled Koryu's ear gently. "Koryu." Ah, only he knew how to whisper that name so sensuously! Koryu's lips broke into a smile as he leaned closer to Komyo. He felt tentative of his own desires, but now, all he could think of is to remain here forever, in that enticing embrace, in the place that no one will ever approach.

"Sanzo-sama." Koryu looked up, his amethyst eyes setting a trail of fire as they gazed at the face of his beloved. Softly, Koryu placed one hand on Komyo's face, and pulled him closer. Komyo was surprised by his apprentice's boldness and desperateness in each and every move. He could feel Koryu trying to get his other hand free. Succeeding in doing so, Koryu placed the other on Komyo's face, cupping his cheeks together. "Sanzo-sama..." he whispered. His master remained quiet, his brown eyes searchingly gazed at the child. Koryu's violet orbs reflected nothingness except a flame of longing and urgency.

Koryu opened his mouth a little, a silent gesture of pleading. Komyo did nothing in reply. He himself was too shocked at Koryu's bold moves. He himself came to expect many unexpected things from this talented child, but it never crosses his mind that Koryu will fetch things so far.

Koryu pulled Komyo's face closer to his, slowly, as if asking for permission. He could feel the uncertainty in Komyo's movements, the way he held back in his affections. Why? Don't he love him? Don't he need him the way he does? Softly, he caressed his beloved master's cheek, and pressed his cheeks against the latter's. A sigh of sadness escaped his lips. As his eyelids closed, a solitary tear stroked his cheek. Koryu pulled Komyo close to him and placed his lips on Komyo's. Soon tears began to flood down Koryu's face.

Komyo, who was still taken aback by Koryu's actions, did nothing as he felt those soft little lips kissed him in such an innocent, loving way. All he could do was to accept that kiss gently, despite himself knowing that he was destroying the innocence in the young child. He could feel the bitterness in that kiss, the coldness in that symbol of affection, the despair and sorrow in that love. He pulled back after a moment. Koryu stared back at him, a shadow of hurt crossing over his face in a second. Komyo reached out, wiping Koryu's tear-stained face with the sleeves of his robe. "Koryu, why are you crying?"

At the question, Koryu broke down immediately and sobbed in Komyo's arms. Another shocking moment. The resilient child never cries. But why is he crying now? A thousand syllables of confusion left buried behind Komyo's mind as he slowly calmed his apprentice. This night was just so confusing, just so different, something unexpected that he was left in the midst of everything, unknowing of how to keep himself and the world in one piece in the end.

In the end, it doesn't even matter.

"Don't cry,..." whispered Komyo as he cuddled Koryu closer. Koryu nodded, biting his lip, blinking back more tears. "I,... I,..."

"What is it...?" Komyo asked softly, not wanting to press on further if Koryu declined to do so. 

"Don't leave me."

"You know I wouldn't leave you." Komyo comforted Koryu tenderly. Koryu shook his head. "No,... I,.. I just had a premonition that you'll... that you'll............ Sanzo-sama, please stay with me forever..."

"I promise." Komyo's heart ached at the sight of Koryu so painfully requested him to remain. But he did not understand. Something is wrong here. Why, why, why all of a sudden, all of a sudden that Koryu, his beloved apprentice, who are always so quiet, so serious, so calm, so analytical of life, so mysterious even to him, now broke down, broke down all of a sudden? All of a sudden,.... just so all of a sudden...

"Sanzo-sama,......" Koryu drowned his words with another kiss shared with Komyo, as he tasted those unmarred lips with a burning fire. Koryu's arms wrapped around Komyo's neck tightly, his body against those silken robes. 

"Just be mine, tonight......"

The moon's silhouette washed the atmosphere with a tinge of dark pleasure, as haunting melodies echoed in the black starlit skies. Those words sank under the sudden waves of change, as the winds howled with sensation and anticipation. The last thing the moon remembered watching before it slipped away from the center stage of heavens, was a child's hand linked tightly with his beloved, lost in fantasy.

It was the first, and last time, that moon will ever witness the story of two souls, chained to the lands, coming together as one. Because then, one of them departed for Heaven.

* * * * * *

Another lightning illuminated the room, another thunder broke the cold silence of the night. Genjo Sanzo sat awake in his bed, his forehead drenched with perspiration. Wiping his forehead with his hand, he glanced around him. The darkness of the night consumed the room steadily as the rain assaulted the sanity of his mind. "That dream,..."

He stared at the starless heavens. The lone moon shone back sadly as if sympathize against what he is going through. Sanzo sighed.

"I thought I have already forgotten altogether about him,... about that night..." His usually solemn expression softened into a sorrowful sigh. He pulled the coverlets around him, and slowly hugged the warm sheets. The sense of security enveloped him gently, casting a surreal peace in that tormented soul. It feels just like,...

_Just like the way Sanzo-sama once held me in his arms,... that strangely comforting embrace, that forbidden love,... that amorous night..._

_K'so [Damn],....._

Sanzo got up from his bed, casting everything aside. The rain poured even more heavier, much to Sanzo's annoyance. Feeling all upset, he slipped on his slippers and trod downstairs for a light drink.

* * * * * *

When he approached the kitchen, he immediately knew he wasn't alone.

"..." He raised his eyebrows when he spotted Goku on the dining table, with a plateful of dumplings in front of him, steamed buns on his left and chicken on his right. Goku was eating a dumpling dreamily, and didn't notice Sanzo's presence there until,...

A paper fan landed squarely on his head.

"Sanzo?! What was that for?" Goku complained as he rubbed his head. Sanzo frowned as he slumped into a seat opposite Goku, a drink in his hand.

"You should know what it is for, _baka_." retorted Sanzo as he took a sip from his drink. Goku scratched his head. "I can't figure what it is for, Sanzo. Why did you hit me?"

_Always so dumb,... always too innocent.... _Sanzo shook his head. "Forget about it." Goku shrugged, and continued his midnight feasting. Sanzo sat down there, silent, only watching Goku swallow one food after the other. _Always so dumb,... always too innocent...._ Goku was aware of Sanzo staring at him. Immediately he looked up.

"_Doushtano _[What's the matter], Sanzo?"

"Nothing." Sanzo drained the remnants of his glass, and stood up. "Finish your supper and get your sleep, Goku. We're traveling far tomorrow." With those words, Sanzo turned around and left.

"Sanzo,..."

"Yes?"

"... urm,...mmm,..rrrmm..hhm...mmmrrhhmmm??"

"Do not talk with your mouth full, _baka_." Sanzo scolded Goku. Patiently he waited for Goku to swallow everything. "So what is it?"

"Can you stay until I finish eating everything?" Goku pleaded, his eyes puppy-like. Sanzo frowned. "What for?"

"The innkeeper scolded me yesterday for having a midnight supper, remember? He said that he is afraid that I won't be able to pay for all this food." explained Goku. Sanzo frowned deeper. "I thought I have settled that bill."

"Yeah, but what if he comes here again tonight? Then he will scold me again. But if you are here, you can pay in immediately, and he won't scold me." Goku explained, grinning. "Please, Sanzo?"

"I'll give you my charge card. If he complains, tell him to charge to my account." Sanzo reached for the folds behind his robes. Nothing. Immediately he groaned silently. He left his charge card in his robes in his room. He don't feel like walking up and down again twice.

"You win, _baka_. I'll stay here." Sanzo sat down, took a newspaper and began to read. He could hear the continuous munching from Goku's side. Shaking his head, he flipped to the next page and continued his reading.

Time ticked away so slowly. The rain poured endlessly. The whole world seems to be so still. He could only hear the synchronized rhythm of the rain pelting the roofs, the metronome of those seemingly endless beats,...

Something is amiss.

Sanzo put down his newspaper, and turned around. There, behind the mountain of dumplings and steamed buns and chicken drumsticks, cute little innocent Goku lay sleeping peacefully.

"Hn." Sanzo's lips curled into a rare smile. It seems unlikely for Goku to sleep before so much food!

"Ooi, Goku." Sanzo shook Goku lightly. Goku remained deep in slumber. Sanzo sighed. "You're not supposed to sleep here, _baka_." Seeing that Goku is really deep in sleep, Sanzo decided to carry him upstairs.

Slowly, he scooped the sleeping child into his arms. Strangely enough, Goku felt light to him. Sanzo walked upstairs quietly, not wanting to wake Goku up.

He pushed the door to Goku's room slowly. The door made a small creaking noise. Sanzo closed the door behind him. Slowly he placed Goku onto the bed. It was then he only realized that Goku had his hands around him.

"_Baka saru."_ Sanzo cursed as he tried to lift Goku's arms from him, only to realize that Goku was hugging him really tight. "Ooi, Goku..." Sanzo shook Goku, but the monkey still didn't budge. 

"I will definitely kill you now." swore Sanzo as he tried to pry Goku off him again. No avail. Frustrated, Sanzo sat there on Goku's bed, with Goku hugging him and sleeping peacefully. Sanzo stared out at the window. The rain calmed down into a drizzle. Somewhere, another thunder rang through the night. "Don't tell me it is another storm..." Sanzo frowned. Things seems to be better now, but it could get worse later...

"Sanzo,..."

Sanzo turned around immediately. Just exactly what he need. "Goku, take your hands off."

Goku was staring at him from those sleepy eyes, subconscious. "Hmm??"

"Quit hugging me, _baka!" _

"Sanzo,..."

"Get your hands off me."

Goku released his 'lock' from Sanzo, his head still resting against Sanzo's shoulder. "Sanzo,..."

"What is it?"

"Can you give me a hug?"

Sanzo stared at Goku, bewildered. "For what?"

Goku looked down. "Well,... I haven't feel what it is like to be hugged. Just wondering."

"You're kidding me. You asked me to hug you just to know how it feels like?"

"But,..." Goku bit his lips, and slowly he continued. "... but you just don't know what it feels like,... being trapped there for 500 years, all alone without anyone, without any light or guidance, without any people to care for you,... when all you can do is imagine how it feels like to reach for the stars and the blue heavens above." Goku stopped, sighing. "I guess that's... well, I just want to feel how it is like,... that's all."

"_Baka saru." _Sanzo muttered. "Hugging you once in my life is enough [1], and you want me to repeat it again?" 

"You did hug me before?" Goku asked, his eyes widened. 

"... just some idiot was already unconscious to even know about it." retorted Sanzo, deeply annoyed. Outside, the rain began to pour heavily again. _Things indeed turn from bad to worse..._

"Still then, can I have another hug now, please?" Goku pleaded, eyes starry and grinning hopefully. Sanzo took out his paper fan,...

WHAM!

"It hurts!" complained Goku as he rubbed his head. "Sanzo, please?"

Sanzo gritted his teeth. "Can't you just understand that a -" _A no is a no?_

Ah, he could not bring himself to complete the sentence. The image of Komyo Sanzo flashed before his mind. He could hear the distant calling of Koryu, calling out for his master. He could hear the empty footsteps against the cold reality as he left the temple when his master was assassinated. It was then that he himself never knew the beautiful life of his would end so immediately. He never knew that the day was the last day. What if tomorrow never comes... 

"Fine. Once is once." Sanzo half-heartedly agreed. Goku immediately gave Sanzo a bear hug, which Sanzo reluctantly accepted. He could feel the warmth radiated from Goku's body against his. Slowly, Goku cuddled himself in Sanzo's embrace, his face beaming with happiness. Sanzo's tense expression began to soften. He could see Goku's innocent dreamy expression as he cuddled closer to Sanzo.

_Innocence._

_Goku,..._

_You reminded me of the past. Of a long lost memory, of an episode of tragedy long buried beneath the sands of time, of my broken childhood that I wish not to reminisce._

"Goku." Sanzo pulled the young one closer, and hugged him tighter. Goku felt light in his arms. So light, and so small, so fragile, like a sheet of thin glass, strong and yet fragile. Sanzo mused. _This must have been what Komyo Sanzo-sama felt when he had me in his arms. _He could feel Goku shifting lightly in his embrace. Goku closed his eyes, his expression still unchanging, still ever that dreamy. Slowly, softly, tenderly, Sanzo planted a light kiss on his forehead.

"_Oyasumi nasai, baka saru."_

Goku was already fast asleep. Sanzo remained in his position, embracing the tired Goku in his arms.

_Innocence._

_Yes, he is too innocent. He is still like a child, unmarred, a white cloth, unstained._

_Even in that request, he was altogether innocent. I cannot destroy that innocence. I have no heart to do so._

_Even though that moment was reflected in that rusted mirror of memories, Koryu was Koryu, and Goku is Goku. Koryu knew many things, Koryu was already tainted with blood before he steps on his journey of soul searching. Goku,... Goku is eternally innocent, forever living in the shell of protection and faraway love._

Sanzo sighed. "Well, whatever it may be, will be." Slowly, he let go of his embrace, almost reluctantly,...

... but Goku still remain clinging to him.

"Now I'll kill you for certain." Sanzo scowled. He tried getting Goku off him again, but to no avail [again]. Seeing Goku's complacent expression, Sanzo erased all thoughts of waking him up.

"Fine. You win, again." Sanzo sighed. He is getting sleepy too. "I don't care about this, Goku, but if you fell off the bed when I sleep later, it is not my fault. And I want the blanket."

He laid himself [and Goku] down slowly. Pulling the blankets over both of them, Sanzo closed his eyes into a sweet slumber, deep in an embrace with the little innocent _saru._

**~ End of 'Innocence' ~**

[1] - Refer to Episode 22 of the anime, Devastation. Remember the Scorpion Lady incident? And about Sanzo hugging Goku? 

Well, this chapter is written when I finished watching that episode, so I am clueless that Sanzo will give Goku another hug during the 2nd-last episode. So, I make a reference here that Sanzo only hugged Goku _once _before.. but you people know it is TWO hugs... hehehe!

Review, _onegai!_


	2. Return

**Return To Innocence, Again  
**The Continuation and The Previous Work  
A Gensomaden Saiyuki Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N ::: **The second part from the original story, **Return To Innocence.**

**Return To Innocence**

**Part Two: Return**

"If this was deep underground,..... I wouldn't have wished for the sun." whispered Goku as he laid awake, beside Sanzo's slumbering body. The morning sunlight began to stream thru the light yellow curtains, casting ethereal glances on both Goku and Sanzo. Goku looked up, not moving from his position. He was afraid that he will wake Sanzo up if he does. Either way, he wanted to remain there forever. Chances like this never comes too often...

That face,...

That voice,...

... the sun.

* * *

"_Ne, _Konzen, look! These are for you." Goku held out a bunch of red flowers, freshly picked, to Konzen Douji. The busy Heaven officer did not look up from all his writing. He was furiously scribbling away on some sheets of paper. Goku waited patiently. To disturb Konzen when he is busy means instant death or instant punishment of some sort. _He is just so scary sometimes. _thought Goku as he stood by the table, still waiting. _But he was just so beautiful, just like the sun. _

A knock on the door startled Goku. He looked up. Kanzeon Bosatsu entered with her usual seductive movements, a cat-ate-the-canary grin on her face. "Ah, my nephew, busy? How unlikely." she said as she stepped into Konzen's room.

"_Urusai_, old woman. You gave me this bunch of crap to do." Konzen remarked, annoyed. Kanzeon paid no heed to his comment. Instead, she turned to Goku.

"Ah, Goku, for whom are these flowers?"

"I picked them for Konzen." stated Goku, beaming. "Just now."

"Oh, _sou ka_. Can I have one?" asked Kanzeon, testing the kid's loyalty. Goku hesitated, and said. "Kanzeon-sama, if you want one, you will have to ask Konzen."

"_Nan da?_" 

"Because I picked them for him. So these are his." Goku said, rather matter-of-factly. Kanzeon clutched her stomach, trying not to laugh. "Ah, Konzen, may I have one of those flowers?" asked Kanzeon mockingly, grinning. Konzen frowned. "Definitely not."

"_Nan da?_"

"Those are mine, as Goku said. Just get out of here if you have nothing else to do." Konzen snapped, glaring at her. Kanzeon arched her eyebrow, lazily pointing a finger at him. "Hey, have at least a little respect for your aunt, the Goddess Of Mercy." 

"Why would I respect someone like you?" Konzen retorted, clearly not amused. Kanzeon frowned, then smiled sweetly. "Oh, c'mon, after all, I am the one who asked you to accompany me to check out the new 'pet'. Isn't it because of that, this monkey was so attracted to you?" She said, pointing to Goku. Goku stared blankly, confused of their conversation. Konzen folded his arms. "Whatever."

"See you, Konzen. Goodbye, Goku. I'll see you two around." Kanzeon bid a cherry farewell as she left, laughing. 

"What does she mean by that?" asked Goku. "Whatever. None of your business. Go get a vase to put those flowers, unless you would rather be the vase itself!" said Konzen, still glaring at where the spot Kanzeon last stood. Goku went off in search for a vase.

"Attracted to me? Hn." Konzen remarked, and continued his work.

* * *

It was already night.

Konzen was asleep. His face lost all signs of his stern and cold demeanor when he closed his eyes, lost in slumber. Goku sat there, leaned against the wall, staring at Konzen for the last two hours.

"Aaaaaaaaa,.... I just can't sleep." rattled Goku, for what he remembered was the umpteenth time. He stared out from the window. Darkness. Nothingness. A small breeze freezes his spine as it blew inside. Konzen turned, shifting in his bed. "Oops." Goku closed the window immediately.

Goku walked towards the bed, and pulled the blanket to cover Konzen. He laid the blanket softly on the sleeping figure. A smile began to form on the corners of Goku's lips. He lifted Konzen's long hair, and slowly let it fall down. "... the sun."

Goku stifled a yawn as he rubbed his eyes. At last, he felt tired. His vision blurred, and the last thing he knew, he fell down onto the bed, sleeping.

Beside his sun.

* * *

"I wouldn't have wished for you if it was deep underground." Goku whispered, hugging Sanzo softly. He couldn't remember well what happened when he fought without his headband on the other day, fighting against Sanzo, but he could remember waking up from Sanzo's arms. He almost feel sorry for himself, that he got up too early. But he was glad, glad to hear that voice calling out for him.

The blond priest was still deep asleep. Goku smiled. "If only this could last forever,..." mused Goku. "No, I don't think so. Sanzo will definitely kill me if I ever requested a hug again. This is just even more impossible than asking for a pork bun!" grunted Goku silently.

"What is more impossible than asking for a pork bun?"

"Waaaahhhh?? Oh,.. Sanzo, urm,.. urm,... hahaha." grinned Goku sheepishly as he looked up, looking into a pair of deep amethyst eyes. Sanzo frowned. "That phrase is not very funny, Goku."

"Urm,... I,... I,... hehehe." Goku smiled. Sanzo shook his head. Suddenly he was aware that Goku was still hugging him.

"Goku."

"Yes?"

"Can you,..." Sanzo hesitated. Goku looked up, eyes wide. "What is it, Sanzo?"

"Nothing." Sanzo said, quiet. He canceled his intention of asking Goku to get his hands off. Instead, he pulled Goku closer, and hugged him tightly. "Goku,..."

"What is it, Sanzo?" Even under such a situation his voice is still laced with such innocence. Sanzo sighed, and caressed Goku's hair softly. "... nothing." He closed his eyes, and sighed. To have such an innocent, unmarred child to be in his arms, it is just so testing his patience! If he followed his instincts and overpowering emotions that threatened to take over, he would have just forced himself upon Goku. But now, self-control and sanity still reigned his cerebrum.

"Sanzo,... I really love you." whispered Goku softly as he rubbed his face against Sanzo's body tenderly, his hands tightening around Sanzo. "It doesn't matter if you don't, but I really love you." confessed Goku, his face melancholic and forlorn. "Do you love me, Sanzo?"

Sanzo's amethyst eyes locked into Goku's gold ones. His gaze softened. "You mean a lot to me." Those words are all Sanzo could bring himself to say. Goku continued gazing at Sanzo, and Sanzo began to find himself drawn into that magnetic gaze. One of his hands traced the outlines of Goku's face, caressing his cheeks slowly. Goku released one of his hands from his interlocking embrace, and reached out to brush away a stray lock of hair covering Sanzo's face. He could feel himself inching closer to Sanzo's face as he got absorbed into those enigmatic purple orbs, and he could feel Sanzo getting closer to him. "Sanzo,..." Goku whispered tentatively. Sanzo could feel Goku's little breath on his face. He tilted Goku's face so that it faced him directly. Those gentle lips looked invigorating and inviting. Sanzo pressed his forehead against Goku's. He could hear an inaudible moan escaping from Goku's lips. Softly, almost unconscious to himself, he placed his lips tenderly upon Goku's.

Goku did not pull away, but instead kissed Sanzo in return. Both of them lay there, under the streaming sunlight, kissing slowly. Sanzo could feel the purity in Goku's kiss, of how sincere his love is, of how much he appreciated everything. And he could feel another strange emotion within the kiss. A deep desire, and a hidden longing. Goku kissed him softly, tenderly, but also hungrily. Slowly, he could feel Goku loosen his other hand from around his waist, and cupped his face with both hands, still not breaking from the kiss. With each moves, Goku's actions were more bolder, more passionate. Sanzo bit Goku's lower lip, and shoved his mouth open as he tasted those innocent lips more devouringly, more keenly. Goku could only give himself into the kiss, to let himself be explored so deeply.

"Be mine, forever..." Goku could only softly moan those words as he drowned himself with those waves of passion.

* * *

"_Baka." _Konzen muttered as he opened his eyes, feeling two small arms wrapping around him comfortingly. He didn't need to guess twice. Those arms could only belong to Goku. _He must have been still asleep,... _thought Konzen, annoyed. Slowly, he shook Goku's shoulder. "Ooi, Goku, wake up." 

".... mmm? Hmm?" mumbled Goku as he tried to lift his eyelids. They seemed to weigh a ton to him. "...mmm,... I'm,.... tired..... ZzZzZzZzZz...." Goku fell asleep again, and hugged Konzen even closer. Konzen took a deep breath, trying to sustain his anger. "What do you think I am, a pillow?" muttered Konzen. Unconsciously Goku nodded. "Arrgh! Get up, get up, get up, GET UP!" Konzen took his own pillow and whacked Goku with it. Goku immediately opened his eyes, and jumped out of the bed. "Ouch!" He rubbed his head, and pouted. "Konzen,... that was painful!"

"Whatever." Konzen snapped, placing back his pillow on the bed, adjusted the sheets, pulled the coverlets over him and plopped back into sleep. Goku frowned. "Aaaaaaa,... Konzen, you woke me just to sleep again?? Aaaaaaa,... unfair! I wanna sleep in the bed too!" Goku tugged lightly at the blanket. Konzen placed a firm grip on the blanket, and refused to give in. Goku pulled, but was no match for Konzen's iron grip on the soft coverlet. Goku gave up, but found a better plan instead. He just stood there, quiet. Konzen, satisfied that Goku kept silent, turned around and closed his eyes to slumber. He did a big mistake though. Goku climbed onto the bed, and slept beside Konzen, smiling smugly. Konzen, already agitated, turned around and almost intend to strangle Goku. "Now what's the big idea here?"

"I just wanted to sleep nicely in a bed, that's all." replied Goku innocently. Konzen took several deep breaths, and remarked. "Fine! But the blanket's mine." Konzen pulled the blanket to his side of the bed, and turned away, his back facing Goku. Silence. 

"Konzen,..." Goku started, his voice quiet and tentative. "What?" barked Konzen, furious. He didn't turn, though.

"Are you angry?"

No answer.

"I don't want you to be angry at me. If you don't like it, I guess I can just sleep on the floor." Goku stated. Konzen was quiet. Goku took that as a 'yes'.

"I'm really sorry, Konzen." Goku turned and slipped off the bed. But before he did so, Konzen caught his hand. "I'm not angry."

"But,... but you are just so mad at me,... just now..." Goku stated, confused. Konzen sighed. "Come here."

Goku got closer to Konzen. Konzen gave him a hug. "Angry words doesn't symbolizes only anger." said Konzen softly. Goku stared blankly at the air, clueless of what Konzen meant. "Erm, either way, so you are not angry at me?"

"I have told you that I'm not angry!" exclaimed Konzen. _How am I supposed to tell him that I am angry at him because I'm worried about him? Because I care about him? Arrgh, this kid doesn't understand!_

It doesn't even matter. Goku felt happy in Konzen's arms, and Konzen was contented. That, is what that matters.

* * *

"Sanzo..." Goku's lips slowly traveled from those seductive kisses to the outlines of Sanzo's jaw. From there, he made a burning trail of little kisses along his neck. Sanzo laid there, feeling the intensity of the atmosphere at play. Goku's hands weren't free either, They were at work, one caressing Sanzo's silky blond hair, the other stroking Sanzo's muscular chest. Sanzo pulled Goku closer, and breathed in Goku's hair as he buried his head into it. He could hear the sweet calling for him to surrender, to surrender into this passionate moment, just like how he did,... so long long time ago.

Sanzo let his hand moved along the outlines of Goku's neck as it sloped down to the chest. There, his movement was halted. Slowly, his fingers unbuttoned Goku's shirt, one, another, one then another. He could feel Goku clinging closer to him. "Sanzo,..." Goku moaned softly as he nibbled gently at Sanzo's earlobe. "I need you..."

That amorous sigh, that inviting plea,... it is all he need to affirm this delusional affair. "I'll be yours,..." he sighed in return as he unbuttoned the last button, and was about to proceed,...when,...

The door burst open suddenly. Hakkai rushed in.

"Ah! Goku, did you see where is Sanzo~" Hakkai asked, but stopped when he noticed what was happening. Sanzo was there, his hands on Goku's chest, and Goku,... well,... Goku was exactly on Sanzo himself, hugging Sanzo's head close to his neck. Hakkai got the clue immediately.

"Oh,... urm,... _gomenasai_, I hope I am not interrupting anything." Hakkai stammered as he tried not to laugh, and turned away to leave. But on his way out, he crashed into a rushing Gojyo. Apparently, Gojyo and Hakkai was looking for Sanzo due to Sanzo's disappearance from his own room.

"Ah, Gojyo, let's get out of here." Hakkai pushed Gojyo away, but Gojyo was really curious. "Why? What was it, Hakkai?? Where is Sanzo? Arrgh, let me in!" Gojyo managed to shove Hakkai aside, and as he saw Sanzo and Goku on the bed, together [okay, Sanzo and Goku already got their hands off each other, but was still IN the bed], he almost choked.

"Oh, so the corrupt monk decided to get horny now?" remarked Gojyo as Hakkai dragged him by the hand, trying to get him away. "Aww,... Gojyo, leave them alone." said Hakkai as sweat drops began to appear on his face. Gojyo wasn't about to let this chance fly away just so. It is not a daily scene to catch the blond monk in some hot action with another person. _Especially not the saru,... oh man, this is certainly the front page material for any news! _thought Gojyo.

"Get lost now. Do you want to die earlier??" exclaimed Sanzo, annoyed. Gojyo was about to start another verbal attack, but at the sight of Sanzo taking out his gun, Hakkai pushed Gojyo away, and exclaimed "Enjoy yourselves." That did the trick. Sanzo fired several times at them as Hakkai frantically slammed the door shut, just right in time to avoid a paper fan from hitting his head.

"They deserve to die." muttered Sanzo as he kept his weapon back in its concealed place behind the folds of his robe. From the distance, he thought he could hear Hakkai and Gojyo laughing outside. _I'll definitely kill them later. _Sanzo decided, and turned around. Goku was quiet all through this pandemonium. This was unusual. "_Doustano_, Goku?"

"... _betsu ni... ... _Sanzo,..."

"Hmm?"

Goku gave Sanzo a hug, which Sanzo didn't stop to hesitate in returning it. Both of them sat there, locked in the embrace as the morning sun smiled through the windows. Sanzo ran his fingers through Goku's hair. "Don't you want to go down for breakfast?"

Goku looked up. "Urm,... ... no." He answered.

"No?" Sanzo looked at Goku in surprise. This was unusual.

"You're not hungry?"

At the mention of that, Goku's stomach rumbled. But indignantly Goku replied "No."

"... Goku, why?"

"I,..." Goku hesitated. At last he spoke up.

"If I let you go now, and went down for breakfast, I know that I will never get to hold you this close again. I would rather starve to death so I will get to remain here, forever." explained Goku, smiling so innocently. Sanzo sighed, and raised his hand...

WHAM!

"Aarrgghh! Sanzo! What was that for???" Goku complained as he got up immediately, rubbing his head. Sanzo got up, his paper fan on his hand. "Get down, _baka saru._ If you would rather starve, go ahead. I need to eat. Either way, I'll continue this later." Sanzo walked towards the door. "_Ma'atte, _Sanzo. I'm coming down too!" hollered Goku from a distance. Sanzo shook his head. "Kids,..."

"Sanzo,... what do you mean by 'I'll continue this later'?" Goku asked. Sanzo didn't turn, but as he left the room, a smile crept upon his face.

"Figure it yourself, _baka._"

**The End Of 'Return' and 'Return To Innocence'.**

**A/N :: **Review, onegai. 

The next chapter is the **sequel **to the **Return To Innocence**,... entitled **Return To Innocence, Again**. Thanks for reading and please review!


	3. Never Drown, Again

**Return To Innocence, Again  
**The Continuation and The Previous Work  
A Gensomaden Saiyuki Fanfiction By enervate

**Author's Note :: **Okay! The sequel, as promised 'once upon a time',... to **blinkie, ewen, strawberryfanz **and **everyone who reviewed** the original **Return To Innocence **when it first debuted in Fanfiction.Net, THANK YOU! I'm dedicating this whole piece to you people! You reviewers are the sun after a rainy day, and honestly all those reviews are motivations for me! Thanks a lot! Love you people a lot.

As for my other fanfiction, '**Believe**', it will be continued in January 2003. Stay tuned, folks.

**Return To Innocence, Again.  
**_The Sequel to Return To Innocence_

**Part One / Three :: Never Drown, Again.**

Goku bit his lips. "Damn liar..." He cursed silently as he slammed the door shut, sulking. _Okay, now it has been the whole day,... "..continue this later"... what does he mean? He ask me to figure it out,... well, as stupid as I ever admit that I am, all I could comprehend from that damn sentence is that he will continue what we are doing THEN,... that is... well,... damn him!_

Goku was frustrated. He could not understand. Everything was such a sudden whirlwind; he was merely caught up in that daze. That chimerical assault upon the sanity of his mind. That alluring moment that became past tense, and will it ever become present tense?

Damnable world, damnable hell, damnable emotions,...

Well,... everything was cynical at first. Since when did Genjo Sanzo ever let down his icy facade, especially in front of his own disciple,... and to even _surrender _to the things that happened on this very morning... That was unbelievable. As much as Goku tried to figure out why all of this happened, his head throbbed. A mild headache began to form since the afternoon... and Goku could not stand it. Arrgh!

Dear reader out there, would you believe everything you've read in the previous two chapters? Will Genjo Sanzo actually do such things? Even Goku here is confused... Do you believe those things actually happened?

Goku thought it was a mere dream. He pinched himself. Ouch. Fine, he did feel the pain.

So he wasn't dreaming. Neither were you, dear reader.

So, can anyone decipher what Genjo Sanzo mean with his sentence "I'll continue this later."? 

_Continue? So when is exactly 'later'? I am feeling much lonely here,... _Goku stared out melancholically from the window, watching the moonlight resonated in the silver-studded skies. Everything is driving him crazy. His heart throbbed in pain,... 

... why suddenly all this sensation?

Goku shook his head. _Crazy,... honestly I did not feel this way before,... it is just that... since that thing this morning,... it is bugging me since then,..._

_It felt nice to be hugged, loved, and cared for,... even for that ephemeral second it is worth more than anything I've ever own in this half-millennium of my life..._

_... especially after 500 years of isolation, of hunger, of that prison, of that craving for love, of that lost affection...._

_Maybe that is why I want it all, back again._

Goku sighed as he began to understand the core of his own tumult, his own chaotic emotions. So he felt deeply disappointed when nothing occurred through the whole day... and now as night falls, nothing changed. It resembled a typical day in the Sanzo-ikkou...

_except for today's morning,... now **that** is different... _

Goku dropped his weary body onto the inviting bed. Slowly, he turned around and hugged the coverlets.

_During the morning, after agreeing to let go of Sanzo,... it is just the usual routine. Breakfast,... leave the inn,... travel some damn miles,... bash demons,... lunch hour,... another demon-bashing session,... reach another town,... check into another inn,... dinner,... free time,... bed time,... _

_And then it will be tomorrow._

Goku groaned. Maybe 'later' was never meant to be. Maybe he shouldn't have let Sanzo go. He would rather starve to keep that one second,.... forever.

* * *

"Well, I am sure that Sanzo is a man of his words,... so I bet that they are still together." Hakkai commented as both he and Gojyo played cards silently in Gojyo's room. Sitting on Gojyo's bed, they played card while chatting about what they witnessed during the morning. Somehow the topic of Genjo Sanzo in bed with Goku is much a news too shocking to be true,... and the news still lingered in their minds. 

Gojyo grinned, and showed his hand. "Straight Flush!" He declared triumphantly, setting his cards down onto the bed. "I guess you have something higher, Hakkai?" Gojyo questioned, curious. Despite knowing it very well that almost nothing can beat a Straight Flush, he had an anticipation that Hakkai will win, because Hakkai, the luckier one always, wins every card game he plays.

"_Sumimasen_,... [Sorry,...]" Hakkai smiled. "What?? You have a better one??" Gojyo groaned as he slapped his forehead. "You,... you,... don't tell me you actually have a Royal Flush!" Gojyo said, gritting his teeth. Hakkai shook his head. "No? Then? A higher value set of Straight Flush?" Gojyo asked. Hakkai shook his head again.

"Wait,... don't tell me.... you lose this time?" Gojyo's eyes widened as Hakkai revealed his hand. A Full House. Gojyo did not know whether he should laugh, cry or faint. Hakkai grinned at the sight of Gojyo's expression. "Well,... unexpected?" Hakkai commented as he picked up the cards and shuffled again.

"... yes." admitted Gojyo. "Well, that isn't you, Hakkai. What happened? You will win, unless you did not concentrate... wait,... you are wondering about something, aren't you?" 

"Well,..." Hakkai blushed suddenly. Gojyo grinned. Bingo. "Ah, so what is bothering my friend here?" Gojyo slapped the back of Hakkai, winking. Hakkai gave a light laugh. "Well, you got me there, Gojyo... but don't you think that Sanzo and Goku,.. together,... seems weird?"

"Weird? In what sense, Hakkai? One is a corrupt monk, one is an idiotic monkey.... both of them are supposed to be soul mates of some kind,... so what I care? Ah,... monk,... monkey,... hey, it rhymes!" Gojyo grinned again. "No wonder they are an appropriate match."

"Hmm,... but I am worried about Goku, to be true..." Hakkai said. Gojyo frowned. "Why?"

"Well, either I am extremely sensitive or it might have been just my imagination, and it is just too early to judge,... but didn't you notice a difference in Goku?" Hakkai said softly. Gojyo raised his eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Well,... hmm,.... okay,.... did both of you fight today?" Hakkai asked. Gojyo answered "No."

"Okay,... how much did he eat?" Hakkai asked again. Gojyo frowned. "Lesser than usual?"

"Okay,... now, did Sanzo whack him with the white fan?" Hakkai smiled. Gojyo's frown deepened. "No..."

"Okay, so how weird is it?" Hakkai concluded. Gojyo's eyes widened. "So,... wait wait wait..." He frowned. "Hakkai, it is too early to judge anything yet..."

"Well, I just can't help thinking that something is amiss. Furthermore, knowing Sanzo and all, he doesn't seem to be someone who is willing to let himself up for such things." Hakkai explained. 

"But,... either way,..." Gojyo's attention adverted from the conversation to their game as Hakkai dealt the new set of cards. Picking up his cards, Gojyo stared at the five cards in deep concentration. _Hmm,... not bad,.. if Hakkai is so obsessed with that issue I might as well as set a winning streak upon him... Ah! I have an even better idea here..._

"Hakkai?"

"Hmm?" Hakkai looked up from his cards. Gojyo grinned. "Want to place a bet on this game?"

"What kind of bet?" Hakkai asked, smiling. "Well, the winner gets to ask the loser for something. How about it?" 

"Agreed. Hmm, but I warn you, Gojyo, I have only as much as a few hundred dollars in my account." Hakkai exclaimed. Gojyo nodded. "Okay." _So I will earn something here,... heh,... that silly Hakkai..._

Gojyo and Hakkai began playing. Cards were swapped across the bed, the deck thinned and sounds of frustrated sighs and triumphant grins scattered across the room. Gojyo analyzed his cards. _Chances... chances... okay,... I guess I'll be able to get a four-of-a-kind... just another... _Idly he reached out for the deck, eyes still trained upon his hand of cards. Suddenly his hand brushed against Hakkai's when both of them reached out for the deck. Gojyo looked up in surprise. But what that made him jump was not the mere contact of their hands; it was because of Hakkai suddenly clutching his hand. And when ruby eyes met emerald ones,...

The emerald eyes were staring at those ruby ones in a glazy way, in a deep and enigmatic gaze,... 

"Hakkai! What the hell are you thinking?"

"Huh?" Everyone returned to reality. Hakkai blushed. "Oh,... well, urm,... your turn, Gojyo." Gojyo almost laughed at the sight of Hakkai blushing furiously before him, resembling a beetroot, or even worse, the color of his own red eyes. "My turn? My turn to what, Hakkai?" Gojyo snapped back lightly. "My turn to look at you with those kind of expression?" Gojyo mimicked Hakkai's dazed look. Hakkai scowled silently. "No. Your turn. In cards, not that!"

"Okay! Prepare to lose, Hakkai." Gojyo grinned as he picked his card. _Ah ha!_

"Four-of-a-kind." Gojyo exclaimed victoriously. Hakkai smiled. "_Sumimasen_,..."

"What? Sorry because you lose?" Gojyo grinned. Hakkai shook his head. "Royal Flush." Gojyo stared at the cards. _Amazing,... _

_Oh my god! I just bet with him,... oh damn it! I was so sure at that moment,... I know I will win! But now,..._

_Oh shit,... fucking hell..._

Gojyo silently swore in his heart as he closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. He could not imagine that! He should have known better anyway. Hakkai will definitely win in the end. Yes, maybe their previous game proved him wrong, but it will be much too bizarre if Hakkai lost out straight. 

Suddenly Gojyo felt his lips touched something soft. _What the.... WHAT???? _Gojyo could only stare in disbelieve as Hakkai's weight fell upon him, the latter's lips tightly locked into his. Gojyo was too aghast to even reply that kiss. _What the fuck! What the hell is Hakkai thinking???????_

Gojyo pushed Hakkai away gently. "Hakkai, why... suddenly..." Gojyo could not bring himself to ask. He was utterly astonished. But in front of him, Hakkai seems to take the pleasure in watching Gojyo's stunned expression. With his usual smile he answered. "Gojyo, you've lost."

"Arrgh! Damn it, I know! But why kiss me suddenly??" Gojyo glared at Hakkai. What that irked him was the fact that Hakkai could even smile at such a thing...

Hakkai laughed. "Well,..." His eyes twinkled. "You said that the winner gets to ask the loser for something.. and now,... I'm asking you for..." Hakkai pulled Gojyo close, and placed his lips upon Gojyo. 

Gojyo couldn't help smiling. _Idiot... what a stupid bet,... shouldn't have done that... _Gojyo pulled Hakkai closer, devouring his lips slowly. _We have all the time in the world,.. so why hurry? _He could feel Hakkai's hand tugging at his arms, clutching him tightly as the kiss deepened. Gojyo pinned Hakkai onto the bed, pressing his body against the other's. A thousand sensations drowned him as he seek deeper access into Hakkai. Carelessly he ran one hand through Hakkai's silky dark brown hair, while the other tightly cupping Hakkai's face. Hakkai could only writhe his hands around Gojyo's waist. He was too engulfed in that kiss to even change his position.

Gojyo did not know why Hakkai did this all of a sudden, but he had to agree that this is indeed a nice way to spend the night. _That Hakkai! Seemingly stupid and all chastised but,... damn him. _Gojyo pulled away from the kiss. Hakkai stared at him in a drunken way, smiling stupidly. Gojyo grinned. "Ah, so you wanted this? Damn you,... I never knew that you are this sly!" 

"Well, you seem to be enjoying yourself too." Hakkai mentioned. Gojyo frowned. "Do I look like I am?" Silently he added, _"Well, damn it, I am enjoying it,... so? What are you going to do,... make me admit it? I know there are many times when I had this stupid feeling just to grab you and kiss you but hell, I knew it will be wrong,... and guess what? Now YOU are the one who is doing that... idiot. I swear that you will not get away from this so easily,... Hakkai._

"Yes." Hakkai said, smiling. "Hmm,... I don't understand why you say this is enjoyable, Hakkai,... but..." Gojyo bent down closer to Hakkai.

"... if you want to know my definition of 'enjoyable',..." Gojyo's voice dropped to a whisper. His hands slowly unbuttoned the first button on Hakkai's shirt. "... I'll show you." 

Gojyo started unbuttoning the second one as he planted another passionate kiss on Hakkai's lips, but something bothered him. Hakkai kept on staring at the door.

"Hmm? What is it, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked, curious. Hakkai suddenly looked up, and blushed. "Ah? Oh, sorry. I,... I think I'd better shut the door properly." He got up, and hurried to lock the wooden door. Gojyo doubled back in laughter. "Hakkai, you paranoid person..."

"Well, I don't fancy being interrupted... like how we interrupted Sanzo and Goku in their room..." Hakkai commented wryly. Gojyo walked towards Hakkai, and gently placed his arms around Hakkai's waist. He leaned his head on Hakkai's shoulder slowly, and smiled. 

"Well, no one is going to interrupt now,..." And when their lips came into amorous contact, Hakkai melted like a butter in the sun.

* * *

Goku almost jumped when he heard that sound. 

_What? A knock? In the middle of the night?_

_Wait,... the middle of the night? And I am still awake??? God... _

_So I have spent almost two hours lamenting on that stupid 'Later' word...._

_Wait,..._

Another knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Coming!" Goku answered, and got off his bed. "Sanzo?" he asked hopefully when he opened the door. His eyes lit almost the instant,...

... but when he saw who it truly was, his eyes dimmed.

Hakkai bit his lip. Did he hurt Goku somehow? 

"Hakkai, oh,... urm,.. why are you here?" Goku asked, trying to keep himself cheerful. Hakkai smiled. "Hmm, not much. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Goku let Hakkai in, and closed the door behind them. Hakkai settled himself on a chair. Goku climbed back onto his bed.

"Goku,... I'm sorry." Hakkai began. Goku looked at him in surprise. "Sorry? For what?"

"Well, I know that you feel hurt. I'm sorry if I am not the one you are expecting at such time of the day." Hakkai said, smiling. Goku sighed. "It is all right, Hakkai. I am not hurt." Despite the words spoken, his voice betrayed him. Goku's lips quivered. 

"Goku,... I do not know whether I should tell you this or not,... but..." 

"What is it? Just tell." 

"Well,... from my experience knowing Sanzo and all,..." Hakkai sighed, and continued. "... it is surprising to see him engaged in such things, with others... I am not surprised to see him together with you, but, nonetheless no one expect Sanzo to actually show his affections."

"I have to admit, Hakkai, I am extremely surprised too." Goku confessed, grinning. "But Hakkai,... urm,..." Goku paused, tentative of continuing his words. More than often he seek words of advice from Hakkai. He have to admit, Hakkai is someone whom everyone can turn to. More than often he did talk to Hakkai about his concern on Sanzo, and many times Hakkai did give good advices. So why not now?

"Yes, Goku?"

"Well,... honestly,... urm,... I am even more surprised at my own self. I never know that I have such a possessive feeling over someone... During this morning when it all happened,... it is as though as I had turned into another monster... All I remembered is that dreadful feeling of wanting, of possession,... all I know is that I want Sanzo badly..."

".. and although that feeling vanished after that,... but now I am longing for it again,... oh hell, I don't know, Hakkai!" Goku clenched his fists in silent fury. Hakkai could only stare at Goku in sympathy. Goku had always been the young one of the group,... and now, to experience such traumatic change in the state of his mind....

_His innocence is gone. Sanzo, you broke that shield of innocence... _

Hakkai felt sorry for Goku. Did Sanzo really break that innocence in Goku? Had he shattered that piece of delicate glass that was Goku?

"It is all right, Goku. The feeling you had, yes, it is all right..." Hakkai comforted Goku slowly. Goku looked up, and stared at Hakkai. "Then tell me, Hakkai,... why Sanzo said nothing since then???"

"Well,... Goku, I am sure that he has a reason for it. After all, he has a reason for everything he does." Hakkai said, smiling. Goku bit his lips. Somehow, Hakkai's words made sense.

"Goku, all I want to advice you is that Sanzo is still Sanzo. He might have been that man with the icy expression, but deep in every heart there is a hidden sense of belonging. Goku, don't love Sanzo just for some mere gestures. Don't want Sanzo just for some kiss or deeper affection. But, Goku,... love him for the person he is, love him the way you love him before."

Goku was silent as Hakkai's words sank into the depths of his mind. Everything Hakkai said was true. The obsession he had during the few hours was because of the kisses and touches that drove him insane. Maybe those were illusions of his infatuation... maybe it was just a moment that slipped between them,...

_I should love Sanzo for him,... not because of the fact that I want to feel him so close to me..._

Goku nodded, smiling. "Thank you for the advise, Hakkai." Hakkai smiled, glad that he cheered Goku up. "Better go sleep, Goku. The next trip will take almost a week before we'll be able to reach the next town. It will be days before you get a proper bed to sleep on. Get some rest now."

"Okay." Goku nodded, smiling. "Good." Hakkai said. 

"Well,... I guess that this morning will never happen again." Goku said, sighing. Hakkai smiled as he exited the room.

"Don't be too sure, Goku. It might repeat. _Deja vu_." Hakkai winked as he closed the door behind him.

..... _I wish it will be..._

* * *

Hakkai closed the door behind him, now in his room, and sighed as he leaned against the door. _This is one crazy day..._

_First, Gojyo and I caught Sanzo and Goku involved in something nasty,..._

_Then, silence between Sanzo and Goku for the whole day..._

_Then the card game with Gojyo..._

Hakkai blushed almost immediately. 

_Then..._

_Oh well, after that thing, a chat with Goku,... and finally he seems better..._

_Now I can sleep in peace..._

* * * 

"_Ikuzo_." Came that usual voice. That same intonation, not wavered by nothing... 

Goku nodded, determined to wait, if 'Later' ever comes,...

And the little green jeep sped off into the wilderness, into blankets of snow white that will envelope the few days ahead with nothingness, except for a straight, mundane and monotonous routine...

Goku bit his lips. _I will wait, no matter what. And I will love him for him, no matter what..._

_But albeit all promises I'm making here,..._

_I still wish that he will pick me up again, gently, and hold me close..._

_... just like that night._

* * *

Sanzo frowned, his usual frown even deeper than usual. The somnolent journey is wearing him out, and he is getting more and more irritable. He did not need to turn around, but he could feel Goku's impatience there. At least,...

_At least that baka saru did not continue sulking like that day,..._

_He continued to fuss about being hungry, continued fighting with Gojyo... _

_And I get to fire my gun and whack him with that white paper fan,.._

_Sometimes I wonder, how long am I supposed to do this? I am tired, Goku, I am truly tired myself..._

_I do not want to do all these stupid actions. _

_I do not want to whack you with that white fan,..._

_I do not want to fire the gun in your direction,..._

_I only want to tell you that you mean a lot to me._

_But I couldn't. _

_How am I supposed to tell you that those fan slaps are merely symbols of my affection?_

_How am I supposed to tell you that I never mean to threaten your life with that spirit-ascending gun?_

_How am I supposed to tell you that you are everything?_

_........._

_I am much disappointed that I lost the guts to hold you again,... just like that day when both of us were just so close..._

_No, I do not want to break that innocence..._

_NO!_

_All I ever wanted..._

_... is to watch you sleep softly in my arms,... and to surround you in my love._

_So,..._

Genjo Sanzo sighed.

_... please understand,..._

_I never mean to keep this silence forever..._

_More than angry words,... I hate this silence...._

* * *

Goku sighed. He stared at Sanzo. Sanzo never turn around.

"..."

_How long am I supposed to keep up with this game? How long am I supposed to act like my typical self without bursting into tears? Sanzo... please..._

_I'm hurting inside. I'm crying inside. I'm bleeding inside._

_... but you never knew..._

* * *

"_Hanareta_. [I'm hungry.]"

Again and again, never ending it seems. Lonely is the road they had chance upon their Fate, and as the harsh winter winds blew solemnly in a remorseful requiem, Goku could do nothing but helplessly sighing for the umpteenth time. Or in Genjo Sanzo's opinion, for the endless time possible before that youngest companion of his could get his hands full on a plate of steaming dumplings, or maybe a plate of sumptuous pork buns. Whatever it is, he had enough of hearing those whiny noise. 

"Shut up, would you? I am truly fed up by that noise, and I won't hesitate to kill you on the spot." muttered Sanzo, audible enough for the young one to hear. Goku could only bit his lower lip, and adjusted the cape of the overcoat that he had put on earlier. He did not particularly like this part of the journey. It was wintry, the lanes were deep in snow, the landscapes were white, blissfully white, charming and holy white. White, white, white, nothing but white all around. Goku looked up, gazing into the heavens. Well, for the exception of the sky, which is gray in color,... everything is and was white! Annoyingly white. _Monokuro _[monochrome]...

And all this mundane routine which he had been going through for already a week, had drove him to the brink of insanity. He had no energy left to argue with anyone in this dull weather. Even if Gojyo provoked him, he would just dismissed it. All the coldness around him made him hungrier than ever, and instead of whining "Sanzo, I am hungry.", all he could bring himself to do was to sigh dramatically and pout all day long.

No, he was not the only one who had changed altogether in this damnable weather.

Gojyo, who loves to pester him constantly, had instead kept himself occupied by staring out at the endless stretch of scenery. Hakkai, their ever-cheerful driver, well,... he was not too ever-cheerful now. Hakkai could only force himself to keep at least a straight face as he drove quietly through the deep snow. Sometimes, during a brief snowstorm, one could hear Hakkai comforting Hakuryu, his dragon-turned-jeep pet, urging the green vehicle to go on. Sanzo, always his silence as a daily facade, had pretty much kept himself quiet, unless he had something very very urgent to say.

To sum it all up, no one like this weather. And to make things worse, there was no inn in sight for days, and Goku could barely remember the taste of his beloved steamed dumplings. They became sort of a distant memory, something lost within the sands of time. Just like the day when Sanzo and he,.... just another statement of time,... but it was all gone...

Goku huddled himself in a corner of the jeep, his teeth chattering in the cold. Despite the snowstorm which has subside since hours ago, the day was still cold and chilly. Goku could see a fade glimmer of what he recognized as the sun, hidden behind mast veils of gray. The thread of orange vanished behind the clouds in the western skies, symbolic of dusk.

"Not again, another night in the blistering cold?" Gojyo beside him remarked. Goku was startled by his sudden comment. It seems like Gojyo, too, noted the setting of the sun.

"Tolerate it, Gojyo." Hakkai said, his voice forcefully cheerful. "Just about two more day's drive and we will enjoy a nice comfy bed."

"Yeah, and by then, I will be reduced to nothing more than a iced _kappa_." Gojyo sarcastically retorted. Hakkai smiled at his snide remark. Turning to Sanzo, he slowly asked.

"Shall we camp here tonight? The place here seems to be more dry than others. Besides that, look there." Hakkai steered the jeep off the main road. He pointed to a distant. "There, I saw a cave. It was quite sheltered, and hidden by those trees that grew by the side." 

"Whatever. I'm dying of boredom here." Sanzo replied as he nodded curtly. Hakkai chuckled, and stopped the jeep. When all of them got off the jeep, Hakuryu quickly returned to its dragon form, shivering from cold. Hakkai hugged Hakuryu lightly, covering the white dragon with the robes that he draped over himself since the start of this cold stage. "Come, let's go."

The cave was of moderate large, fit enough to camp out temporarily. It was dry, and well hidden from the snowstorm, if it ever approaches. Trees shielded the place, giving a more secure statement to the cave's location. 

"So, well, that's it. We will stay here for tonight." exclaimed a weary Hakkai in the most cheerful voice he could manage. "Hmm, I'll be off for a moment, okay? We sort-of ran out of water, and if I found a river, maybe I will fish for dinner." said Hakkai to Sanzo. Seeing not much objection from the latter, he motioned towards Gojyo. "Want to follow?" "Definitely. I can't stand being here and doing nothing." Gojyo got up from where he leaned against the wall, and turned around. "Ooi, Goku, you following?" No response. Gojyo frowned. "Ooi, _saru_!" No response again. Hakkai laughed, and pointed towards Goku, who was busy staring into the depths of the cave. "He's busy. C'mon, let's go now. I want to be back before the storm arises again." With those words, the twosome left.

Sanzo, who was sitting down on the cave's floor all the while, lit a cigarette, and sat smoking. The cave was mildly warm, much a relieve from the coldness that surrounded them for hours before. Sanzo turned, watching Goku glancing down at the cave. _Goku,... _Only then he realized that the cave did not end at where they were. Deep in the pitch darkness that was the end of the cave, it resembled a network of tunnels and chambers. Soon, Sanzo saw Goku putting a tentative step forward, and another, and another, and soon walked towards the darkness.

"Ooi, Goku."

Goku kept walking. Sanzo frowned. "Goku!"

No response.

"OOI _BAKA SARU!_" Goku did not notice the calling, but instead, he kept on walking down into the inky blackness that consumed the other end of the cave. Sanzo, frustrated and annoyed, took out his spirit-ascending gun, took a blind aim and fired.

The sound from the gun gave Goku more than a startled expression. Worriedly he rushed back to Sanzo's side, eyes wide opened. "What happened, Sanzo?"

"That's enough of you, Goku." Sanzo, gritting his teeth, took out his legendary weapon, his white paper fan, and gave Goku much a whacking with it. "Ouch! Ouch! What did I do wrong this time?" Goku moaned as he rubbed his head, pouting. Sanzo gave him a final whack with the fan and ordered him to move out. "Now, go and get some firewood. I'm freezing solid here. Come back fast."

Goku hurried by, thankful to be out of Sanzo's punishment, but quite disappointed. _I should have not wandered there,... or else I will have much more chances to stay with Sanzo,... here... _Goku rushed away. Sanzo sank back into his pose, and inhaled deeply on his half-done cigarette, smoking the time away into nothingness.

* * *

"Here." 

Sounds of wood dropping down onto the solid granite floor ricocheted in the empty cave. Goku stood before a pile of wood he'd just collected. Sanzo nodded in sheer approval. Goku began arranging the branches and twigs and miscellaneous parts of fallen trees in a neat pile. Sanzo only kept quiet, eyeing Goku's work. When Goku was done, he handed his disciple a lighter. Goku set a branch on fire, and soon, a merry flame began to dance in the darkness of the now night. The sun has set to the fullest, leaving the skies dark enough for the moon to make it's entrance.

"I wonder where is Hakkai and Gojyo..." muttered Goku as he sat by the fire, warming himself up from the whole icy travel they had been in throughout the day. Soon, his eyes adverted from the mouth of the cave to the enigmatic darkness that was the other half of the cave. He remembered being much enchanted by the mysteriousness of this cave. Really. He was, yes, he is still much tempted to go exploring the other ends of the cave. Slowly, he got up, and advanced towards the series of tunnels before him.

* * *

"Goku?" Sanzo looked up, and saw nothing, no one, less that remained with him was the flaming fire. His golden-eyed disciple was lost from sight. 

"Where the hell did he go? That idiotic monkey..." cursed Sanzo as he stood up, stretching after such a long time sitting down in the same pose. He turned and looked at the far end of the cave. The cryptic channels of unexplored tunnels, buried in those unfathomable darkness. There might be something dangerous in there. So did Genjo Sanzo, the ever-suspicious priest thought as he walked nearer. "Goku?" He called out. The echoes of the call mocked his concern as they magnified several times louder. "Are you there, _baka saru_?" Again, those words came tumbling back, louder. Sanzo cursed silently as he stepped into the darkness. Suddenly, before he moved another step, he walked back, and picked up a flaming branch from the merrily burning fire at the mouth of the cave. Feeling much safer and aided in a sense, Sanzo walked back to the tunnels. After a brief walk, he stopped at a huge chamber-like part, where the road split into three.

"No way I'm going inside." muttered Sanzo. He could get easily trapped in those deadly labyrinths. He turned around, and decided to wait for the return of Hakkai and Gojyo [as well as Goku, if he ever is going to return] before proceeding into the dangerous maze. 

Suddenly, he heard a scream, followed by a big splash, and nothingness ensued. Sanzo turned, facing the three doorways into the tunnels. He sworn he had heard Goku's voice, screaming. Yes, that voice was his, no mistake. "Goku? Goku!" Sanzo shouted into the passageway. No reply.

"Did he really drown or something? That idiot." Sanzo cursed. He peered into the three openings. The first one was steep, but it went way down, straight. The second one was mainly bumpy, and it was much more dark compared to the first. Sanzo took a glance at the third. It was not as steep as the first, but the floors were wet. Wait,... wet? Didn't he just heard a loud splash after that cry of help? 

The third one it is, then. Sanzo gingerly took one step forward into the wet floors, and clutching at his flaming branch like a torch, he walked his way inside.

"I swear when I found you, Goku, I'm going to kill you for getting me into this wet mess."

* * *

Goku cringed as his feet came in contact with the iciness of the waters. Regretfully he lamented of his fate... too late to be true. He regretted taking the first opening of the tunnel when he came to the spilt above. "Maybe the second of the third one is the better option."

"I wonder if I could ever find my way out... Sanzo and the others must have been worried."

* * *

As Sanzo made his way through the third lane that he had chosen, the waters on the floor rose slightly with every step he took further down. He pulled up his robes, and took off his black socks. The water level remained for about a hundred meters or more, and rose again, up to knee level. Sanzo, truly annoyed by now, was cursing his way through. He saw no signs of intelligent life, but was not surprised either. "I don't expect myself to consider Goku part of the _intelligent _life forms out there, do I?" 

Suddenly he felt something amiss with the road that he had chosen. His footwork was loose, and the grips were slippery. Sanzo grasped at the walls before he slipped. The waters were strangely calm and clear, as if masking a hidden threat through it's sheer innocence. "Pure liars." Sanzo muttered as he descended into the inky blackness. 

Soon, the water level went down, around Sanzo's ankles. Still not much in sight. All Sanzo could see was black, black, black,... a contrast to the white that he witnessed for days. Suddenly he saw a flash of light in the distance. _Goku?_

"Goku. Goku!" Sanzo called out. And before he knew it, his foot slipped... 

And everything was consumed in blackness, just like the endless stretch of black before him,.... 

**End Of 'Never Drown, Again'**

**A/N :: **Hmm,... tacky tacky me... to hang the story just so.... Well, the fourth part, **Deep Submerge **will be a chapter loaded with many _ai_ scenes... grins Well, we have GokuXSanzo and now even HakkaiXGojyo,... so,... double the fun, I guess? grins 

Reviews are much appreciated,... _onegai minnasan!_


	4. Deep Submerge

**Return To Innocence, Again  
**The Continuation And The Previous Work  
A Gensomaden Saiyuki Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! I am really happy that '**Return To Innocence**' is still remembered!  sobs I am really protective of this piece coz' it is my debut fic on Fanfiction.Net! Anyway, to the reviewers, _arigato, minna-san! _One love to **blinkie, Star-chan, cutie-pie16, Gokugurl, chris, strawberryfanz **and all you angels that reviewed this!

Urm,... grins despite my promise that this one will be loaded with _ai_, I guess I want to write it in the 5th part,... coz this one I've decided to focus more on poor drowned Sanzo and the rest of them,... so the next one I put more _ai _... is it all right with you people? Okay okay,... I'm breaking my previous promise... but it was all due to change of plot and the presence of writer's blog... _gomenasai! _Don't pelt me with banana skins! Aww...

**Return To Innocence, Again  
Part 4 :: Deep Submerge**

Goku paced around in the small and suffocating tunnel, already on the edge of breaking down and cry. He figured that he had been in the cave for about an hour or so, and yet he did not find any way out yet. He tried tracing back the way from where he came from, but with no avail. Groaning and lamenting on what that has befallen him, he sat down and stared around him. To the left and right, nothing surrounded him else than solid granite walls. To the front, the road leads to another fork; which simply means that he will have to choose his path again. He looked behind. Not a welcoming sight. Another fork, this one even worse than the first. It divided the road into four. Four different choices, four different fate... arrgh! Bewitching evil! How the hell is he going to return to the surface??

The place was dark itself... just like _that _cave...

But no bars, no chains, no sun....

No sun???

Goku winced as Reality hit him hard in the mind. 

_No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no..._

The word ricocheted in the spaces of his mind, tormenting him, teasing him, that sinister laugh... that provoking voice...

That voice! Damn!

Goku gritted his teeth. He began to decipher something in his cerebrum. Damnable. The voice that trapped him, that led him here,... to something that he hated, something that admonished him of his fateful past...

_Damn! _

_I don't know why I am so fascinated with the damn cave. Damn! All I remembered, I heard a voice calling me, calling me out... that distant calling,... I heard a voice calling me to come closer, come nearer..._

_But why am I following some stranger's voice, when all I truly wanted to hear is Sanzo's voice? _

_..._

_... but when I heard the other voice,... it drowned Sanzo's own voice... I could hear the faint ringing of his monotonous voice,... his deep alluring tone,... I sought after his voice, that familiar calling that comforted me... but why did I surrender to this demonic calling???_

_..._

_... desperation?_

_Desperation. I'm desperate to catch for my falling star, I'm desperate to know where we are... and I'm desperate to reach out for that glimmer of hope again._

_I am desperate to feel the warmth of the morning sun again._

Goku's eyes welled up, and slowly tears began to caress his cheeks tenderly. Woefully Goku wiped them with his hands, but as he could not contain his own sufferings any longer, he burst into deep cries.

"Sanzo,... I'm sorry... I know that you'll never get to save me... and I'll never get to be with you again..."

* * *

_In darkness, there is light,  
Without light, there is no darkness,  
The light supports the existence of the dark,  
Where the candle shines, you will see shadows,  
Where the silhouettes danced, there are music in the brilliance of a glow,  
The morning gives way to the night,  
The night moves on to the morning,  
Look beyond the Sun,  
For the stars will diminish, lost that evensong,  
But soon, from dust rises a new flame,  
As Light and Darkness are one._

Sanzo could feel the pressure of the water engulfing him altogether, but he gave up his struggle for survival. Somehow he felt weary. He gave up. He don't want everything anymore. Nothing matters no more. Black swirled in the corners of his mind, dots covering his vision almost immediately as he went into subconscious state. He felt his hands slipping from the touch of reality. He felt those hands whom once were there to catch him,...

... they are gone.

_... gone? _

_... why,... I thought they will remain forever,... but since the tragic lost,... I know someday I will lose the other one too,..._

_... if I got too close with the final one..._

_* * *_

_"Sanzo-houshii-sama!!"_

_Footsteps. Heart thumping loudly. Blood accelerated in his veins. Turn around that corner. Yes, another turn. The familiar steps. Wooden panels. Sliding doors. Blood.... blood???_

_Koryu's pace came to a direct halt. Fear. Fear. Fear drowned his sanity. Fear drowned his emotions. Fear overruled. Blood... no. Komyo Sanzo never had blood as part of that place..._

_... but..._

_One hand gingerly opened that door. One eye peeked in. One soul torn apart at the sight._

_And forever he will remember that day, the day that he lost his beloved master. _

_It was the day after the climax of their relationship. And when the rain solemnly cried and sang the song of the lover's lament..._

_... young Koryu, heart-broken, picked up the remnants of his angel and left the place with bloodstained wings forever._

_* * *_

Goku slowly got up, and decided that he should quit crying. Instead, he should move on, trying to find his way out. "I'll never get out of here if I never try, right?" Somehow, after reasoning to himself, he felt better. With renewed courage and determination, he picked up his footsteps and made his way in the labyrinth of tunnels. 

It wasn't very far that he went, when suddenly that tight lane that he had descended for quite a moment came into a vast chamber. It was a large chamber indeed. The walls were shimmering softly in iridescence. Goku walked slowly to the walls, and placed his hands upon it. It felt cool to his touch. He turned around, marveling at the beauty of Nature. The ceilings of this chamber had silhouettes of waters upon it. It was only then Goku realized that there was a lake nearby there. His heart beat in joy.

"Well, at least I know I won't die of thirst." remarked Goku as he got closer to the lake. He dipped his hands into the invigorating waters, and took a sip. Instantly he felt his soul was revived, and his hope renewed.

He walked around the chamber, surveying the area. The chamber was large, all right, and there's a lake on one side, which flows from a stream hidden in another tunnel. And on the other edge there is another tunnel that leads to somewhere unknown yet. Goku took a peek into the tunnel. It seems to be a long and straight road. Goku sighed in relieve. At least if he met a dead end or something unpleasant, he knew that he could return to this chamber. 

The chamber was not empty with only Goku and the lake there. There was boulders scattered about here and there, broken and dried wood, and also a piece of what that seems like a remnant from a torn tent. "Did someone come here before?" Goku pondered as he picked up the piece of a former tent.

Goku turned around and walked back to the lake. He trailed his fingers on the surface of the calm waters as he pondered on his next move. So now, his survival problems is quite solved. There is abundant source of water beside him, and by chance, he might get to fish inside this lake too. He peered into the lake, trying to scan for any traces of living creatures in it. He could not exactly make out any form of life in it, after all, the lake seems deep. Goku grinned as he rubbed his hands in glee. "I guess I will have to dive in it and find out for myself.... and I could get a nice bath too... heh."

Suddenly, from afar, a flash of green and white almost send Goku out of his mind.

".... _Ma-Tenkyo? _[Evil Sutra]?" 

Indeed was the holy piece of parchment floating upon the crystal surface of the lake, but its owner was missing.

"Sanzo? Sanzo!" Goku called out. No response. He jumped into the water, [yes, still fully clothed] and swam towards the floating Sutra. Goku retrieved it and waded offshore. He sat on the cold granite floors of the chamber, his expression drawn into despair, his heart went tumbling down.

"Sanzo,..." Goku held the Sutra close to his heart. Then he lifted it, and analyzed the wet piece of scriptures in his hands. No blood nor tearing on the Sutra, which means most probably there is no bloodshed...

"... so Sanzo somehow got drowned or something,..... oh no...." Goku's eyes widened in horror. Quickly he turned around and looked wildly for any more traces of Sanzo. He looked at the tunnel from where all the water in the lake came from. 

"Don't tell me,... please,... Sanzo,... something evil has befallen him?" Goku wondered on worriedly, still clutching to the Evil Sutra tightly. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, and he felt his blood rushing, accelerating,...

Something **must **have happened. Sanzo is not someone who is that careless to lose something, especially something as important as the Sutra itself. 

And now,...

_Sanzo,... where are you????????? _

Goku's mind screamed in the silence of the world.

* * * 

Gojyo strolled in silence as his footsteps echoed those of Hakkai's. In the snowy ground, their footsteps made a perfect pattern on the white land. Gojyo knew why Hakkai volunteered on getting the water. He knew why Hakkai volunteered to get food. He knew why Hakkai asked him to follow along....

_That devious Hakkai! _

Hakkai did not show any signs of his intentions, but instead, he walked, smiling as usual, humming a little tune [**A/N: **Does Hakkai hum tunes? Only God knows.... hahahaha!] as he moved on. Gojyo grinned silently. Slowly, he slipped one arm around Hakkai's shoulder, intending to pull the other a little closer...

"Ah, Gojyo, what is it?" Hakkai asked cheerfully as he looked up, his eyes twinkling. Gojyo frowned sideways. "You,... mischievous little brat..." Gojyo commented lightly as he grinned widely. "Me?" Hakkai asked in fake innocence, his eyes wide but still having that glow inside.

"Hakkai, don't fake it,... even the _baka saru _could tell that you are lying..." Gojyo sighed as he wrapped his arms around Hakkai's neck. Slowly he pressed his face lightly onto Hakkai's neck, tender enough to send shivers down the latter's spine. Hakkai gave a blissful sigh. He bit his lips. 

"Gojyo,... we~" Suddenly Hakkai could feel Gojyo's lips upon his. Immediately his defenses weakened, and he found himself responding to the kiss. He embraced Gojyo softly, and pulled him closer as their lips plunged from what was a slow kiss into a breathless and passionate one. Hakkai found nothing but euphoria enveloping him. Their lips were still locked, and as Hakkai drowned from the lack of oxygen, Gojyo did not pull away. Instead, he pressed Hakkai tightly against him, and forced the other into another fiery kiss. 

Hakkai could not take it anymore. He clutched tightly onto Gojyo's robes [**A/N : **All of them were robed, remember? It was snowing...], his hands tightening onto his grasp as he was overwhelmed by the kiss. And when Gojyo pulled back, Hakkai took in his breath immediately, his face all scarlet from the lack of air. Grinning at the sight of Hakkai, Gojyo planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "What are you doing, Hakkai? So red all of a sudden,..."

"...." Hakkai did not respond, but inhaled softly. He felt better, all right. A little better, maybe. 

"Gojyo, we are supposed to get water and food, not here to kiss." Hakkai commented as he flashed the pail before Gojyo. Gojyo snatched the pail from Hakkai's hand. 

"Kissing is my food, Hakkai. So, feed me, will you?" Gojyo retorted, grinning. Hakkai shook his head. "You better think of getting Goku and Sanzo _their _share of their food too."

"They can wait..." Gojyo responded, dropping the pail and pulled Hakkai closer to him. He placed Hakkai's head on his shoulders and hugged him tightly. Hakkai opened his mouth to debate with Gojyo, but Gojyo sealed it with a tender kiss. 

Hakkai closed his eyes as he felt Gojyo kissing him softly. His lips curved up into a smile. He did not know why he surrendered to everything Gojyo does. All he knew is that he felt like a certain kind of bliss when he was with him. As a friend, confidant or even as a lover,... he always had that feeling around when he was with Gojyo. 

The sense of security and the sense of belonging. 

Maybe that is why he never pull back when Gojyo placed his lips upon his, or when Gojyo pulled him closer in that hug,... 

... because he lost that feeling before, and he never wanted to lose it again. 

Hakkai ran his fingers through Gojyo's long silky hair as he pulled Gojyo nearer in that kiss. He could feel Gojyo silently ravishing upon his own lips, and he could feel his pulse racing in the speed of the light. He tugged gently at Gojyo's hair. Gojyo pulled away from the kiss slowly, and he looked up questioningly with his crimson eyes. Hakkai shook his head, smiling. Slowly, Hakkai placed his lips upon Gojyo's neck, sending butterfly kisses upon his smooth skin. He could feel Gojyo responded with a gentle nib on the ear as he bit softly on his earlobe. 

Suddenly Hakkai laughed. 

"What is sooooooooo funny?" Gojyo asked sarcastically as he glared at Hakkai. Hakkai always had a penchant for making cliffhangers. They would be engage in an intimate gesture,... and suddenly something _so _anticlimactic will hang up their brief exchange of love. 

And because of these cliffhangers, Gojyo always find himself wanting more of that sly and cunning brunette. 

"Gojyo, c'mon, let's get the others their food... it will be not very kind of us to starve Sanzo and Goku." Hakkai commented as he picked up the fallen pail and walked on. 

"You,..." Gojyo could only shook his head as he followed Hakkai. Adjusting the hood of his robe, he swore that he will get on Hakkai later. 

"You better feed me until I'm full later." Gojyo remarked sarcastically as he caught up with Hakkai's pace. Hakkai smiled, winked and nodded. 

* * * 

_Sanzo,..._

_SANZO!_

_And out in the darkness, two hands reached out for him. He looked up, and grasped at those hands. He felt peace dawned upon him._

_Surrealism._

_And the theories of surrealistic world... that chimerical and ephemeral circle that linked Reality and Fantasy..._

_In darkness, came that light, and those hands, and he clung upon them... _

_And escaped from those dungeons of darkness._

_And hand-in-hand, they send light to destroy that world of darkness._

* * * 

Goku turned around, and saw strands of blond floating upon the water at the source point where the waters of the lake came from. 

"SANZO!" 

Goku jumped into the water and swam against the currents. He struggled as the water, despite not being very rapid, washed him against his destination. 

"Sanzo,... hold on..." Goku gritted his teeth as he raised one hand above water. Sanzo showed no signs of consciousness... 

"_Nyoi-bou!!!_" Goku summoned his legendary staff. With the help of his staff, he waded all the way to Sanzo. 

As Goku nearly reached to the top of the stream, where Sanzo laid, a big wave splashed upon them, causing Goku to almost lose his foothold. Sanzo, meanwhile, got moved by the current, and he sank to somewhere nearby Goku. 

"SANZO!" Without further hesitation, Goku plunged into the water. In the cold icy underwater, he finally saw Sanzo. He wrapped his arms around Sanzo, and tried to get the latter out of the water. He tugged. He pulled. No avail. 

Goku felt suffocated. He released his grip and resurfaced. Taking in more oxygen, he plunged into the water again. There. He saw what that prevented him from moving Sanzo away from the area. 

Sanzo's robes got caught in several branches. Goku tried to pull his robes out from the clutches of the branches, but couldn't. Annoyed, and feeling suffocated once more, Goku focused all his power and unleashed a powerful blow with his Nyoibou upon those branches. Immediately he caught hold of Sanzo and swam up. 

Tired, almost drowned and suffocated, Goku laid there on the floors of the chamber, terribly glad that he is no more underwater. After several minutes of returning himself to full health, he got up. "Sanzo?" 

He cradled Sanzo's head in his arms as he laid Sanzo down. Sanzo showed no sign of reviving. Goku gently placed his finger underneath Sanzo's nose to check for a living sign. 

... 

... 

Negative. 

Goku's eyes widened. His heart skipped a beat... 

... _oh no..._

He checked for a pulse. 

... he detected a faint one... 

Goku sighed in relieve. 

_So what am I supposed to do? CPR? _[1] 

_Oh my god..._

_..._

_..._

_... honestly I don't know how to perform it._

_I've only seen Hakkai did it once when Gojyo drowned. But now, come to think about it,... how do you do that?_

Goku's mind went blank. Blank to the infinite blank, blank as vacuum, blank to the utter blank that it could be blank. 

Or plainly, blank. 

Now, Goku does wish that he did pay more attention to what Hakkai did. 

Slowly, he pressed upon Sanzo's chest. Water poured out from the latter's mouth. Goku cringed. "Did he drown that badly?" 

After water stopped flowing from Sanzo's mouth, Goku felt better. He searched for the pulse. 

Still weak. Very faint. Almost none. 

_And what did Hakkai do then? Oh yeah, he put his mouth on Gojyo's, and breathed in or something like that... _

He looked at Sanzo. 

_Must I really do that?_

Another look at Sanzo. 

_... I guess... I won't want him to die..._

Goku gently placed Sanzo onto the floor. He bit his lips. He felt kind of awkward, but if it was only to save someone's life... he guess it does not matter.... 

Slowly, he bent down and placed his lips upon Sanzo's. 

_What is next? _

_Oh hell,... I don't know...._

_WHOA!_

And the next thing he knew? 

He was pulled down into a passionate kiss. 

**A/N : **[1] = Sorry, I am clueless about the correct way of CPR. I'm not any Red Cross Society girl,... I don't enter St. John Ambulance in my school either. All I know is that you are supposed to put your mouth onto someone's else and then breath in or something,... hahahahahaha! Poor me and Goku,... I guess we need First-Aid lessons from Hakkai. _Ooi_, Hakkai! Come here and teach me now! 

* * * 

Actually, what that truly happened was...

Goku placed his lips upon Sanzo's. Sanzo was only half-conscious then. Nonetheless, he could feel the pressure of Goku's lips against his, and somehow that drove him upon his own emotional roller-coaster. 

And he anticipated the next move.

None came. He opened his eyes slowly, still painful after his drowning. And to his annoyance, he saw Goku down there, lips still upon his, but paused in motion.

[**A/N : **Goku was in deep thought then,... pondering about CPR. =P]

Sanzo felt Goku's gesture a little, intriguing, as well as tempting. And Sanzo could not take it anymore.

_Since that delusional morning, I knew nothing more than to give myself up. But somehow, something held me back so long,... so long that deep inside I'm suffering from a wound invisible to the eye, and yet it bleeds of blood as red as blood itself, and yet it was deeper than oceans as oceans are deep itself. I'm suffering from my own desire, from my own self..._

_... from my own self that I wished to hide behind those facade of ice I wore every single moment._

_I knew the sinful indulgences I had that day, and that satanic calling had more than once drove me insane._

_I knew that I had no choice but to respond to my own calling before I drowned once again.... in Reality and in my own volume of mind._

_... and to feel his heart beating so close against mine,..._

Slowly, he kissed Goku's lips in return. He pulled the younger one down onto him, and hungrily lavished his own desire upon that astonished child. His hands cupped Goku's face tightly, his kisses passionate and filled with the silent craving of his own turbulent heart. Desire, desire, desire... they drove him insane. And to feel those soft and unmarred lips pressed upon his gave him more than mere shivers; they gave him a whole new surge of emotions within.

And admittedly, Sanzo knew that he could not withstand his own feelings. Somehow, the monster within that was once caged,... 

It felt as though as someone had unlocked that cage and unleashed the beast, leaving it to prowl freely. 

Sanzo knew that Goku, too, had kept inside him something that kept on wanting to be released. The kiss was one-sided at first. Sanzo was the one who dominated it thoroughly, for Goku was at shock then. But it wasn't for long when Sanzo sensed the change of rhythm in their kiss. Goku slowly responded. He placed his arms around Sanzo's neck, and pushed himself closer to Sanzo. Gently he shifted himself onto Sanzo and slowly devoured those lips in return. The aching in his heart grew when he felt that his memories of anguish for the whole week got tainted in that delicate kiss. 

He remembered that painful feeling, that feeling that he had for a whole week... 

... of waiting. 

... of wanting. 

... of _lust_. 

Suddenly he tasted salt in that kiss. Little did he realize that he was crying. And he could feel Sanzo's lips adverted from his own, and slowly those lips that he keenly wanted to possess moved along on his cheeks, licking up those tears of sadness, of bitterness. 

And then, when Sanzo pulled Goku down, laying Goku's head upon his shoulders and wrapping him closely in his own arms, Goku embraced him in return and cried. He did not restrain his tears. He did not pull back. All he did was to cry there, in those comforting arms. 

Sanzo bit his lips. Maybe he shouldn't push things too far. He realized the true mistake he did. He knew that the pretense between them for the whole week will drive both of them to the edge of sanity. He knew that. 

Suddenly he felt so cold. 

And only then, he realized that he was wet, wet from his water experience the previous few minutes. 

Slowly, he pushed Goku away, and commented silently. "Aren't you cold?" 

Goku sat upright, stopped his crying and took at glance at himself. "Well,... I am." He admitted, smiling. Sanzo remarked with a "Tch." and stood up. He felt around his body. 

"Goku, where is the _Ma-Tenkyo?_" Sanzo's amethyst eyes flashed suddenly. Goku took out the holy scripture from his clothes, and handed it to Sanzo. Sanzo nodded. He placed it upon the granite floors of the chamber, and started collecting those stray pieces of branches on the floor. Motioning to Goku, he said. "Ooi, get on moving and collect those branches." 

Goku nodded, and dashed off looking for those branches. 

After a while, Sanzo and Goku piled up a small stack of those branches, and with a damp lighter Sanzo lit those wood, setting a small flame within the chamber. Satisfied, he took out his items, which include his pack of cigarettes, his spirit-ascending gun, his white paper fan, his spectacles, his Sutra, his lighter and his gold credit card, and set them down on the floor. Then he took off his clothes to dry them before the merry fire, leaving himself topless and only in his boxer shorts. 

[**A/N : **Hahahahaha! Sorry, _hentai _thoughts flashing in my mind,... _gomenasai_....] 

Noticing that Goku was looking another way and sat there doing nothing, Sanzo folded his arms and remarked wryly. "Do you want to remain as a wet monkey there, or would you rather get yourself dried up, _saru_?" 

"Ah,... urm,... all right." Goku took off his clothes and laid them neatly by the fire. There he sat, and he stretched out his hands towards the fire, smiling. He felt better by the heat. It was a nice exchange for their cold adventures for the day. 

Sanzo raised one eyebrow cynically at Goku's behavior. He sat down and picked up the box of cigarettes. He took one out, quite thankful that he did not open the box previously. So, the cigarettes remained dry and intact within the plastic wrappings. 

He lit one with his lighter and sat there, silently smoking. From the corner of his eye, he saw Goku's innocent smile, warming himself up by the fire. 

_I wonder, honestly, I do wonder. _

_Wonder whether is he now marred by those symbols of affection that I gave him,... or will he remain that same old stupid monkey that I loved so much?_

_As much as I love his childish attitude, as much as I love being concerned about him, as much as I love to see his eyes shining so brightly in innocence,..._

_... I do love to hold him close. I do love to plant a tender kiss upon his virgin lips. I do love to watch him blush underneath the light of what was called 'Love'._

And Sanzo knew that those thoughts had driven him crazy. Too crazy. 

Suddenly he saw Goku got up, and walked in front of him, and then sat down facing him. Goku looked troubled, or for some matter, he looked as though as he had a nasty stomachache. 

"Sanzo,..." 

"Hmm?" Sanzo noted as he raised one eyebrow questioningly, sitting down cross-legged, one hand holding that cigarette leisurely. Goku bit his lips, and picked up the courage to talk what was bugging him on his mind. 

"Sanzo, tell me, are you serious about loving me?" 

That question blew Sanzo's mind away. He was much taken aback by Goku's boldness, of how daring Goku is, in asking such a straightforward question. He stared at Goku. 

"Sanzo,... please. Tell me if those kisses were nothing but a mere moment that you played just because you were driven to do so. Tell me if those were nothing but because you wanted someone to release all your feelings upon. Tell me if it was nothing but a game. Tell me if you never mean it. Please." 

"I won't be hurt if it is all nothing... Sanzo. Honestly all I want to know now is the truth. I don't want to be kept up in confusion. I want to know the truth,... the truth,..." 

Goku's lips quivered, and a solitary tear stroked his cheek. 

"... I want to know the truth if you never truly love me." 

Sanzo did not know how he should answer all those questions. Maybe it was true indeed. Maybe the reason why he held Goku close was because of to satisfy his own emotions, to satisfy his own wanting... 

... but maybe he does care. 

And now, to watch Goku sitting there, silent, looking down, eyes twinkling underneath the reflections of his crystal tears,... it broke his heart somehow. 

"Who said that I never love you?" Sanzo spoke up finally after a pregnant moment of silence. He embraced Goku slowly, pulling Goku into his arms. Goku huddled himself within Sanzo's arms, crying. "Sanzo,... if it is so, then why all the silence for the week? I felt so tortured... so hurt..." Goku's words were drowned in tears. Sanzo bit his lips, and slowly planted a comforting kiss on Goku's forehead. Within the surreal calmness of the kiss, he whispered "I'm sorry." 

_He was not the only one who was hurt and tortured. I knew that was how I felt when I sat on my bed, every night, alone,... wishing that I could sleep with someone to hold in my arms, just a comforting sensation that someone will be there..._

_I wish I could tell him so. I wish I could. But I knew what truly held me back all these time..._

"Goku,..." Sanzo slowly whispered as he ran his fingers through Goku's hair, his hands tightly locking Goku in his embrace. He could feel Goku's bare skin caressing against his as Goku shifted his position. He could hear Goku's muffled sobs as he buried his face onto Sanzo's shoulder. "... I'm truly sorry." 

".... Sanzo,..." Goku bit his lips, still crying. "... I wish I could own your heart. I wish you don't have to keep those moments of silence between us." 

"... I,..." Sanzo did not know what to say. To confess of what that has bugged him on his mind for those eternity of his sleepless nights? 

"... Goku, it wasn't because of that I loved you less, no,... all those silence and distance..." Sanzo began, as he slowly whispered into Goku's ear his confessional words. "... it was because I lost someone before when I said 'I Love You'. I don't want to lose you,... that is why I am much too afraid to say anything." 

There. He said it. Sanzo felt better. 

Goku was silent. He did not expect Sanzo to tell him of his own personal business. 

"But, I do wish, if I tell you that I love you now, I will not have to lose you tomorrow." Sanzo finished, sighing. Goku closed his eyes, quite ashamed. He felt that he was selfish, somehow, forcing Sanzo to things that he avoided just because he simply don't want to repeat a mistake he made once. "I'm sorry, Sanzo... I shouldn't have..." 

"Ssh." Sanzo hushed Goku, silencing him up with a soft kiss. Goku bit his lips. "This time, I wish, if I told you those words, you'll never leave me tomorrow." 

"Sanzo, you know I won't leave you." Goku exclaimed, teary-eyed. Sanzo traced his face with one finger, his eyes gazing into Goku's golden orbs in pure tenderness and sincerity. And in deep hope too. 

_I wish tomorrow will come, and you will remain by my side this time._

"I love you, Son Goku, with all my heart." 

With that declaration, Sanzo kissed Goku, slow enough to seal those words tightly as his hands caught Goku's, fingers interlaced. Goku kissed Sanzo in return, savoring that moment,... 

_I know that I will never leave Sanzo,... no matter what..._

_Didn't I live for the sake of him? _

"I love you too, Sanzo,... forever." 

**End of Part 4 : Deep Submerge**

**A/N : **Wow,... it turned out more _ai _than I intended to.... but as promised [now I really do promise!!!!] the 5th one is all LOVE! Hmm, why? Well, let's say that after this finale kiss here, they won't stop, _ne? _grins Furthermore, they have yet to find their way out of the cave... and outside there Hakkai and Gojyo is still there... and Hakkai will have to feed poor starving Gojyo! =) So the 5th one will be definitely a hoot! 

Reviews if you want me to write faster. After all, it was due to all your reviews that make me happy and keep me in the mood to write! 

Did anyone tell you that reviews are good medicines for writer's blog? 

grins 

Just Kidding! Have a Merry Christmas from me! Reviews, _minnasan_, and if you are kind to give me a Christmas present, please wrap Sanzo up in a nice package and ask Santa to deliver him over here, _ne? _FedEx accepted if you have much money. Don't worry about the Christmas stocking that you'll need to stuff the present. Mine's pretty large, so I bet Sanzo could fit in it. 

Hahahaha! I guess I'm losing myself here. 

Love,  
enervate  
22 December 2002. 


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